My mother arrived just a couple of hours ago; she will be staying with us through the baby’s birth and for a few weeks afterward. She is moving here, a grand new adventure for her in a new city. Eventually she will get a place in the area, but for now she is our welcome guest. What it means, however, is that as of last night, it is no longer R, C, and I in the house. From now on, even after Mamala leaves, there will be someone else under this roof.
when it came to us
over the restaurant din
that this would be the last night,
ever,
for just the three of us,
you tried to explain
while she busied herself with her roll.
‘she doesn’t understand,’ i said,
and was glad.
but as we left,
and the icy wind carried us along,
she reached up and grabbed for my hand,
and I looked,
and she was holding yours too.
11 Responses to “a polaroid”
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I’ll be quiet…I’ll be very, very quiet…
That reminds me of the night before TeenWonder was born…As an only child, a family consisting of me, Longsuffering Clockmaker and DarlingDaughter represented what family life was about. Sitting in the kitchen, with her asleep in the room over my head, I wept gently for the loss of that reality. I wept too for the unborn little one, whom I was sure I would never ever be able to love as I loved his sister. That night I went into labour, and in the small hours I held TW in my arms for the first time and fell totally and completely and permanently in love.
Blessings as you wait for the earth to move on its axis and a new order to emerge xx
Kathryn, you’ve got it on the money.
Mamala, besides helping us with “stuff,” you’re helping us ease into the “3+1=4″ transition so please don’t be quiet!
I check this blog obsessively to see when the baby is born. . Four is a great number, BTW, And I grew up with a sister close in age. C is in for great things. Do you think she “gets” that there will be a baby and that it is a permanent baby? (I loved my sister for several weeks, and then, reportedly asked when she was going back home.)
Both of my children are adopted and came to us on very short notice, 13 days for one and 6 days for the other.
I too wept that I would never love the second child as much as I love my first. It was inconceivable that my heart could possibly have that much room to expand. I knew I would love him, just not as much.
When WD came to us, I was right. I just couldn’t love him as much. I was tired, he was higher maintenance, I was older, the first child was perfect. One day in a fit of post-adoption depression I prayed and in a blinding flash I came to the realization that none of this love for either child was coming from MY heart. These are not MY children, they are God’s and I have been entrusted with them for a limited time. In this flash it came to be that anything and everything I feel for them, give to them is channeled through me from God. I can not explain the overwhelming peace that has come from this. Now, when parenting becomes more than I can bear I remember that they are not mine and the peace always returns.
perhaps you could insert a code in the title for “tissue alert” when we are going to cry as we read your post.
i’m so glad to have seen the 3 of you eating soup and bread at a candlelit table recently. that picture can expand as rb joins the photo.
blessings
Best wishes mamala! I hope you enjoy your new digs. (Let us know if you run short of Dr. Pepper or pecans. We can send care packages!)
Where are the dogs and cats?
I don’t know Sherry but wish I did…so I could thank her for her comment here.
I need help sometimes with liking/not killing my dear stepson (I always love him, but he’s a teenager after all!) and the best way I can do it is to turn it over to God every single day.
Sweet little family is becoming sweet larger family. Once it does you won’t be able to imagine it any other way.
MB I have two teenagers - my very own flesh and blood and I can relate to Sherry and to you.
I love them, but I am driven to distraction too. Thank God they are loved by Him too - and unconditionally as well
Spookyrach - believe it or not, we enlightened people here close to the Mason-Dixon line can actually get Dr. Pepper and pecans in the supermarket! I think Mamala will survive, though the BBQ is definitely not as good!