Yesterday was one of those freak-out days. Part of it was mom being gone, part of it was finally reaching that personal saturation point—that absolute weariness of being available body and soul to this infant. She’s also just portable enough and agreeable enough for me to try to get some things done, but not portable and agreeable enough for me to get everything done. Although let’s face it, “everything” is an illusion anyway. So I get frustrated because I’m running to stand still. I think the crystallizing moment came when I passed through the kitchen last evening and found a mug full of cold murky liquid—an abandoned cup I’d thrown a teabag in hours before and subsequently forgotten. On some days the sight of that forlorn beverage would make me laugh, but instead, that cold tea was a symbol of my perceived incompetence, my inability to get basic things done. Not even great things. Just basic things, like clean dishes. A well thought-out blog. Tea.
Today I feel better. I’ve decided that just for today, I’m not going to care. I’m going to laugh at the chaos. What do I want my kids to remember about me? That I had a pristine house? Or that I laughed easily and was willing to leave the dishes undone to play Elefun?
Today, I’m not going to think about going back to work in a couple of months and how much more chaos there will be. Today, I’m going to enjoy life, whether I get anything done or not. And depending on how today goes, I may try it again tomorrow.
—-
I got a pedicure the other day while Mamala watched Miss M. I think the pedicure is my favorite indulgence—it feels good at the time, and I have cute toes for a long time afterwards to savor the experience. The only downside to the pedicure is having to put up with the disdainful tut-tutting over the state of my heels. My heels are horribly dry, I’ll admit it. I usually have to endure a short lecture and sales pitch about how I need to do X Y and Z to my feet, although this time I wanted to say, “I already told you I’ve just had a baby, right? And I have a three-year-old? Heel care is not high on my list at the moment. If I have an extra moment in the day I should spend it flossing, not slathering cream on a part of my body that nobody cares about but you. And perhaps me, and maybe R. Maybe.”
Oh, who am I kidding. I bought some yummy cucumber cream because it smelled really good. I also bought some dental floss yesterday while grocery shopping, but you can guess which one I’ve used more since then.
—-
A conversation on the way home from preschool, complete with my internal monologue:
Me: Did you have music today at preschool?
C: No, chapel.
Me: What happened in chapel today?
C: There were lions there.
Me: What did the lions do?
I feel like we’re doing the catechism.
C: The lions were with the people. An angel came and closed the lions’ mouths, so they didn’t get bitten.
Hey, that’s a pretty good summation of the story.
Me: Do you remember the name of the person who was with the lions?
C: [pause] …Daniel.
Bingo!
Me: What else happened?
C: There was a tornado that bit the people.
Hmm, went one too far there.
At this point the pastor in me wonders whether I should make the God connection, while the English major in me wants simply to let the story stand. The pastor, and curiosity, win out.
Me: C, who sent the angel to help Daniel?
C: Jesus.
Not sure what my Jewish friends would say about that, but we’ll get into that another day.
20 Responses to “postcards from postpartum”
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Asides
» I have been remiss in posting SBJ’s latest stats: 23 pounds and 27 inches at six months. Yes, I’ve got the big mama biceps.
» Aaaaaand little she-who-is lost another tooth this week!
» SBJ is four months old, 19 pounds 5 ounces, and 26 inches tall. GIGANTOR!
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sometimes what keeps us going are cute toes, to be sure. And kids re-telling good stories. And sleeping babies. All good.
Wow. You are such a great Mom.
Grace and peace to you, my friend. And I do mean that quite literally…. Of course, playing Elefun will rank much higher than having a clean house.
Well, the lions didn’t bite but the tornadoes did. Seems to me that’s just about right.
So what color did you get your toes painted? I do love my monthly pedicure (when I was younger, I had other monthly things to deal with - now I get to have pedicures - it’s the trade-off for having to deal with the force of gravity on various body parts). Pedicures are cheaper than psychotherapy and do just about the same for me. And I can live out my inner harlot by painting them an outrageous color. They were bright red over the Christmas holiudays, and now they’re a sort of rose-mauve color.
Now this Eefun game - are you sure it isn’t a right-wing plot by the GOP to keep you preoccupied and not going out and changing the world?
C’s explanation of Daniel is about as good as many good Christian folks’.
I’m in the midst of baking brownies for St Cass. The house smells sinful. I’m going to have to freeze them as soon as they cool so a) they are transportable without any spoilage or going stale and b) I am not tempted to eat them…
Don’t stress about what you’ll get done or what you won’t get done. twenty years from now, none of it will matter. For that matter, by tomorrow it won’t matter. Only the mortgage, the electric bill and filing one’s taxes are truly time dependent. The rest is fluff. Enjoy the kiddos.
I love this blog. Wow. Newborn heaven/hell days. As I get ready to take away my 19 mth old’s “baba”, a.k.a. bottle, I start to grieve the fact that he is getting bigger. I should have taken the “baba” away a lot earlier. There will be some interesting tantrums happening in our house soon. Well, I sort of grieve— your postpartum postcard did make me remember the completely exhausted chaos, stomach hurts when it starts to get dark because she is not going to sleep well again, kind of feeling that goes along with newborns. And goodness, look what kind of great conversations you can have with them as they age!!!!! Love you RevMom!!!
Mibi: Purple-opolis!
Shannon: YES to the anxiety when the sun goes down. Love you too!!
Aren’t you glad you’re raising a child with a holistic understanding of the Trinity? (wink)
Love the tornado. Must be the Oklahoma version of Daniel.
Your conversation with C reminds me of the time in church when all the littlies were grouped around the Pastor’s knee and he was asking “What’s big, and yellow, with a big mane of hair, a long tail and very sharp teeth?” Silence, as 20 little faces stared up at him with mouths agape until one says “Well, it sure sounds like a lion - but the answer’s probably Jesus!”
A favorite color around these parts: OPI’s “I’m Not Really A Waitress” aka Red Tent Red.
For next time…
“Now this Eefun game - are you sure it isn’t a right-wing plot by the GOP to keep you preoccupied and not going out and changing the world?”
Now you know my real reason for giving that to C for Christmas.
Love,
RM’s Republican Sister
i don’t mind being left there by the sink, there’s a lot of me to go around.
what you could ask yourself during the rougher days is, is there anything i wouldn’t do for my daughters?
not for all the tea in china.
-
or…
This is something to keep in mind.
-Matthew
Cheesehead–been there, worn that!
great story - yes, you DO have a budding genius/theologian there…..
so can relate to the “i’m too incompetent to feed myself” feeling that comes with those postpartum days.
But you got a pedicure and that WILL make all things right. You’re so right that it’s better than therapy, mibi (cheaper and quicker, too, at least in my neck of the woods)
Elefun!! I never heard of it until now but I’m totally fascinated!! But I just put a bid on one that’s on Ebay!! So, thanks for pushing my consumerist, button too.
wonderful about C and as for your Jewish friends well let God sort out the theology. In my book she’s SPOT on
as for this “an abandoned cup I’d thrown a teabag in hours before and subsequently forgotten. ” I’m 46. My kids are teenagers (soon 14 and 16) so no baby, no distractions, no pressing crying and I do this so often my family have given up. Awful thing is that I get dehydrated cos I forget to drink.
and heels
don’t ask! don’t look!
I’ve never ever had a pedicure sigh I did get my nails done twice - once with my cousin in Canada and once here in Finland (as a mother’s day present).
As far as the cold cup of tea goes. I wore out 3 automatic(!)kettles because I kept switching them on to reboil.. Must have boiled them 15 times an hour but by the end of the day I was lucky if I’d had 2 cups and that was usually the ones my husband made me, 1 to get me out of bed in the morning and that wonderful one after dinner that says ‘the days done’!
Oooo a biting tornado!
I love Elefun, except that the kids like to take off the elephant head and let the little butterflies fly free.
Cats like those little butterflies.
speaking of elefun and elephants and the GOP, when i worked at chico’s i had more than one customer who would buy anything w/ elephants because of their party affiliation. (one was an aide to a republican of long-standing in the house).
and the funny thing is i can’t recall any chico’s clothing for the dems.
does that say anything about the folks who run chico’s?
btw they sold magic wands galore and never had anything w/ crosses or even stars of david. interesting.
oh, one more thing, elephants w/ their trunks raised are supposed to be good luck. ones w/ their trunks down are bad luck. don’t know why, but now you know.
Almost every day I leave a cup of coffee in our microwave for my husband to find later. Almost every day, the director of the nursery school at church does the same thing, leaving a cup of water with a sodden tea bag for *me* to find later. You are not alone, and the causes of distraction are manifold.
I love C’s take on Daniel.
When will *I* get time for a pedicure?
Don’t you know? The answer’s always “Jesus”!