There’s a member of the church that’s really been having a hard time and hasn’t been in church in a long time. I talked to her over the summer and we talked about the possibility of my coming to visit sometime. Nothing was set, and the idea languished on my to-do list for months. Every time I looked at that item, “Visit Jane,” I felt bad and vowed to do it the following week. Lather, rinse, repeat.
A few weeks ago I was talking to an elder who said, “Too often we sacrifice the good for the perfect.” We each admitted how often we did exactly that. The next day I was making a list of errands and thought, Darnit, if I wait for the time to be right to Make A Pastoral Visit I’ll never do it! I’m just going to stop by. I picked out a card from my stash and wrote a short note. I needed to go to the bakery so I picked up a loaf of bread for her and headed to her house.
I knocked on the door and heard the dog barking from inside the house, but no other signs of anyone home. After knocking a couple times more, I nestled the bread and the note inside the storm door and left.
It felt like a pretty feeble gesture. But if I’m honest with myself, I will admit I felt lighter. Something to cross off the list, for now. I also hoped the gift might pick her up just a little bit.
Last week I got a call from a friend of the woman I’d tried to visit. The woman had asked her friend to convey her great thanks and appreciation for the note and the gift, and the woman gave her friend permission to share some specifics about her situation–information she hadn’t wanted shared with anyone at the church. The friend went on and on about how touched the woman was–it was the right thing at the right time, not “intrusive” at all. “You read that situation just perfectly,” the friend said.
I read it perfectly?!
No! I didn’t!
I did what I did because I didn’t feel I had time or energy to do anything more than that. There was sincerity, but not a lot of intention, I must admit.
And, yet.
12 Responses to “a story with a moral, or not”
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» I have been remiss in posting SBJ’s latest stats: 23 pounds and 27 inches at six months. Yes, I’ve got the big mama biceps.
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Maybe you think that is what you did. But I think that God did a whole lot more and at the perfect time. I just glad that you listened.
Some of my best ministry moments have occured when least expected; we’re definitely not as much in control of our actions as we’d like to think!
wow…this is a great story. I love it when things work out beyond our expectations. Savor the moment.
It just made me realize once again the thing about good being done “in spite of us.” Certainly I wished to do something nice for her, but the *way* I went about it was about 75% driven by my own needs and convenience. So then to be praised for my great discernment about the woman’s needs–I felt the urge to “come clean” with the person on the phone.
Then I thought better of it.
The thinking better of it was wise.
Good choice.
The Spirit works in us all the time, in ways we often can’t recognize. Perhaps this was one of those moments. Glad you thought better of it - I think saying something like that makes the recipient think that she didn’t deserve anything more than a drive-by moment. She perceived it as something more, and it comforted her. That’s all that matters. Sometimes we’re just the conduit.
RM- as your mother I feel obligated to tell you to come clean. Please let go of it and tell her…you owe it to her.
At the same time, please tell her you’re a wife who values time alone with her husband and thinks of new ways to accomplish that, a working mother who spends her day off with her children, taking them out of day care, and planning and playing with them most of the day instead of hitting the mall or the coffee shop or the blogosphere. Then you can mention how you find time to call your mother (really 4 mothers if you count in-laws) on a regular basis. Don’t forget to tell her how you inspire others with occasional blog entries. Come clean now.
Tell her how you spend selfish time preparing and praying for sermons that inspire your grateful congregation, rather than lazy Saturday afternoons watching “Friends.” Oh, and did I mention that as the oldest of 4, you, whether you asked for it or not, are the “caretaker” and “worrier-in-chief” of the other 3? There’s probably more of your sins that I can’t recall now, but you get my drift. Come clean now.
Really, you should have done better. Come clean now!
{My tongue is planted firmly in my cheek.}
IMHO, I think the fact that the elder said “Too often we sacrifice the good for the perfect.” and then you were “hit” with the thought that “Darnit, if I wait for the time to be right to Make A Pastoral Visit I’ll never do it! I’m just going to stop by.” made it the perfect time for a visit. How can this act be fueled by a need for convenience, when clearly it was not as convenient as you really wanted it to be?
The spirit move and strikes us when we least expect it, and the spirit moved you at the right time for this parishioner. So your feelings for this visit not being the right time; should be erased by the fact that it was PERFECT time for the one in need.
God Bless,
Beth
“Too often we sacrifice the good for the perfect”
Thanks for this post. That was something that I needed to hear.
After taking 6 months off of work as a designer I have been feeling the need to get back out there and get to work. I have been looking for a job postings and stumbled across one that could be classified as a dream job at a well respected museum. The position is right up my alley and located less then 3 miles from my home.
But, I have been scared to apply because even though I feel qualified for the job, I don’t feel the portfolio of my work best represents my capabilities. I didn’t apply for the job because I felt that I needed to redo my portfolio presentation to appear professional and to even have a chance at the job. But, what if my portfolio, while not perfect, is just good enough?
Go for it heather! And good luck!
I can’t remember all the details of this but …
Rachel (somebody … I can’t remember her last name right now) has written a few books including My Grandfather’s Blessings and The Wisdom of the Kitchen Table (or something close to that)
She tells a story about a hospital chaplain. The chaplain is talking about being willing to be in service for God and doing ministry. He says something like, “Sometimes God says ‘yes’ and sometimes God says ‘no.’ And sometimes God says ‘you get me in the door and I’ll do the rest.’”