I have no idea what you do with so many generous grandparents. One thing I did, when the children were small and overwhelmed easily, was to let them open the gifts then when we got home, put most of the gifts away. They didn’t notice. In the dreary days of Jan-Feb, I pulled out a “new” toy when needed. And, I believe in re-cycling stuff through Goodwill.

I am so sad to hear about the storage space thing–that’s just gross. And for the equal presents thing: my bro and I always got an equal number of presents, or an equal value, roughly. Which was good for us. We didn’t necessarily get a ton of stuff (we grew up poor), but my parents/grandparents wrapped each part of a gift individually, so it might take us three or four packages to work out what the whole gift was. That was always fun because it led to speculation.

When son was 5 and Miss Teen was 9, we instituted a 3 gifts only policy for our family Christmas. I remember telling the kids that if it was good enough for Jesus, it was good enough for them. My son plaintively responded, “but I’m not Jesus”.

My kids only have 1.5 sets of grandparents, 2 aunt/uncle sets and my mother gives almost nothing so we haven’t got the dilemma of too. much. stuff. from relatives. Husband’s parents were broken of that habit when I sent more than half of the stuff they gave to their house for the kids to use when they “visit”. This was after we had requested that they scale things down for two or three years in a row. (I also sent any and all loud toys to live at their house).

At our kids’ school it is the custom of most parents to give a “small” gift to each and every teacher that the child has. Small is a relative term at this typically Anglican school, and the kids each had 6 teachers. Add in friends of ours, grandparents with no more storage room, secret Santas, etc etc and the rest of Christmas was getting way out of hand. So we now give a very generous donation to Heiffer Project International. My kids pick out which “animals” to buy and we give cards to everyone telling them that in honor of them, their meaning in our lives, and our love for them they are now part of a “cow”. With very few exceptions this is very appreciated. And as a plus, at our boxing day open house there is always a lively discussion about who is which part of the cow.

This system works for us as a compromise between cultural vs religious and giving vs giving.

Sorry for the long comment.

In terms of quantity of gifts received, among the grandparents we’ve talked to about this, we’ve encouraged (urged? suggested? cajoled? hopefully not ordered) them to consider one gift, or maybe two tops for each of the girls.

Our kids have four sets of grandparents. If each of them gives each girl, say, three gifts–and that’s realistic–that’s 12 gifts for each girl. Add in aunts and uncles, a friend or two, a couple random parishioners who like to give gifts, and of course, their parents, and you are talking 50 Christmas gifts sitting under our tree without breaking a sweat. For two girls.

I love and adore the sentiment expressed by that embarrassment of riches, but that is Simply. Too. Much. Stuff.

I really believe that gifts are freely given, that rules for giving just take the joy out of the whole thing.

At the same time, just as parents are called to help guide what kinds of experiences and possessions their kids encounter, can there also be a place for parents to express a preference in terms of *quantity* of experiences/possessions? Just as I said no to the recent birthday party that C was invited to because it was one too many activities on a busy weekend, I hope I’m not out of line for encouraging a more modest sort of gift giving.

Argh! So what is the answer?

For other folks, I bake. It takes time and resources that are short, so I think it’s a real gift of love.

I’ve been mulling over what’s being said here - and thinking - if somone phones and says - “hey would you like to come for a walk with me?” that would come high up on my list of desired gifts. Quality time together.

That comes very high on my wants and needs and loves but that’s why Christmas is potentially fraught with dangers (like Thanksgiving in the US) because when family does get together it ISN*T plain sailing and sometimes there are huge disappointments.

My daughter likes giving … and receiving. But I can’t work out my son’s love language. or hubby’s really. It’s not giving or receiving, and it’s not necessarily time together. Or acts of service. Mmmm …

My nephew will be going to Disneyworld in January. For the first time, he (at 6) will be old enough to see something that he wants, understand that it costs X amount of money and, thanks to his parents, be limited to the DisneyBucks he will have accumulated by that time–by doing chores, getting stars on his conduct chart, and from Christmas presents….He will learn about budgetting, buyer’s remorse, and a lot of other things that he wouldn’t learn if I gave him an item I THINK he wants. I can’t think of a better justification for giving a gift card/gift certificate.

Good comment!