I’m in the thick of life with two kids under the age of 4 (and I’ll only be able to say that last part for two more weeks!). And while I can’t imagine forgetting what this stage of life is like, I know I will. So this post is a typical “day in the life,” sort of in lieu of a baby book.
I was talking to another working mom the other day who is about to retire from the Air Force. She felt ready, plus it was just getting too stressful. She and her husband see their little girl for an hour in the morning (spent trying to get out of the house on time) and an hour in the evening (spent trying to get her fed and in bed).
Our life can be pretty stressful too. Yet it works, basically. I’m always interested in what is considered “normal” in other families, and what is just too much. How do others do it? Here is how we do it.
The divine miss m wakes us up between 6:15 and 6:30. R and I take turns warming a little sippy cup of milk for her to suck on while we rock in her still-darkened room. It just eases the transition. After a few minutes of cuddle and play time, the two go wake up the other parent. When this goes well, the person is awakened to bedside lamps that gradually switch on via dimmers, and a happy girl who crawls all over the sleeping mass. When it doesn’t, the person is awakened to screamies.
R takes his shower while I get miss m dressed and the upstairs de-cluttered. Little she-who-is usually makes her appearance around this time (between 7 and 7:30), knocking softly on our bedroom door, or just barging in. The girls usually beam at each other first thing, which is so nice. Whatever hair-pulling or toy-taking is to come, they are happy to see one another for one sleepy-eyed moment.
By now R is out of the shower. I lay out clothes for C and go take my shower, and by the time I’m ready, the three of them are downstairs and breakfast has begun. I really appreciate R doing this. Breakfast is easier now that M eats what we eat, but still, there are several different varieties of cups, utensils, bib and other paraphernalia involved in getting food for a toddler and a preschooler. Not to mention vitamins and other stuff like that. (Greatest hits: cereal, toast, eggs, oatmeal, yogurt; on weekends: same, plus the occasional pancake/waffle, biscuits, bacon) Breakfast is a no-reading zone, normally. No magazines, no internet. Family time. We sing a blessing, although today C wanted a “silent prayer to think about God” which was way longer than I thought possible for two talkative children.
On Mondays through Wednesdays, R helps us women get out of the house, usually around 8:45, and it’s always a mad dash no matter how early we’ve started. We keep extra toothbrushes and toothpaste downstairs in the kitchen because if we had to traipse upstairs and back down we’d never make it. I drop M off at daycare five minutes from our house, then C and I go to the church where she has preschool. At midday I take her to daycare, also near our house, and will either return to church for the afternoon or work from home. I spend a lot of time in the car on those days. On Thursdays, I take M on my way to the church and R will walk C down the street to daycare. I almost always do pickup, between 5 and 5:30.
This makes for a relatively short workday, which means R and I are rarely ever “done” by dinner. Still, from 5:30-8:00 is strict family time. R makes dinner while I play with the girls or give them baths. (Greatest hits: burritos, spaghetti with Trader Joes meatballs, other random pasta, lentils and rice, mac and cheese, red beans and rice, various casseroles, pizza once a week or so) Then I clean up from dinner while they play. M goes down around 7:15, and C has lights out at 8.
We take turns putting the girls down—when I have a meeting, I always take the M shift, then leave. M is content with a quick cup of milk and a few minutes of rocking. C needs her hair brushed, which can be a whiny ordeal, then two books, then a prayer, then a song, then make sure the nightlights (yes plural) are in the proper configuration. She used to be very picky about which dolls and blankets she slept with, but she’s relaxed about that. Oh, and the cup of water by the bed is now optional.
We usually work during the evenings, read, blog, or watch a little TV, and when we’re feeling disciplined, we go upstairs and get ready for bed around 10. Otherwise, 11 or 11:30.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Then there are the weekly rhythms. I try to have no more than two evening commitments a week. Friday night is a time to relax, Saturday is grocery shopping and other errands, and Sunday is church and smoothies for lunch, and with any luck, a nap. When I preach, Mamala spends Saturday night with us, helps with the girls in the morning and goes to second service with everyone. When I don’t preach, she comes after church on Sunday and spends the day so R and I can get things done around the house, and hopefully, go out for dinner or a movie.
Friday is my day off. C has the option of daycare on Friday, which is handy when I’m preaching or working on a writing project. Free to Be comes a couple times a month to watch M, since she doesn’t have daycare on Friday.
That is typical. There are a bajillion atypical days. To the extent that our life works, it is thanks to the assistance and understanding of so many people.
But there’s also stuff that’s missing from this picture—in-depth hobbies, having people over, regular exercise. Sigh.
So, that’s it. And if you’ve hung in with this post for this long, you must certainly be a grandparent of C or M! But seriously, I am interested to know, especially from those of you with jobs and school-age children (and Girls Scouts, and piano lessons, and sports), how your life “works.” We are a well-oiled machine, and I’m sure we’ll figure it out, but it’s awfully hard to visualize.
15 Responses to “a typical day”
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Asides
» I have been remiss in posting SBJ’s latest stats: 23 pounds and 27 inches at six months. Yes, I’ve got the big mama biceps.
» Aaaaaand little she-who-is lost another tooth this week!
» SBJ is four months old, 19 pounds 5 ounces, and 26 inches tall. GIGANTOR!
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Um, I wake up to a cat licking my face, then I take a shower, eat breakfast (if I’m being good), and go to work. Biggest hits: um, none.
I stay at one job, and then I usually go to the other, or sometimes I go home and work from home. Dinner is usually Lean Cuisine at work. Biggest hits: remembering to bring it. I’m usually home from work by 9. Then we have to play kitty olympics, and then blog, and watch TV sometimes.
Oh my god, I have no life.
I wonder if I can train my cats to sing grace? Maybe that’s what the morning howling is—a form of a grace?
I can’t imagine being responsible for someone else’s teeth. If I had a kid, they’d have dentures by age 12.
I guess the real question is, why don’t we think of 9-5ish as enough of a work day?
With school age children who don’t go to aftercare, the day becomes more complicated, since they leave school at staggered times and often have activities requiring transport. I was able to juggle this at Small Church, but my new situation will be more complicated, since three days a week I’m not home until 5 or so. That’s where the other parent (or in our case also step-parent) comes in handy. But I’m the one who has to keep track of which child needs to be where and when, even when I am not the driver.
I was out a lot in the evening at Small Church, especially the first two years, and I leaned on my oldest child to oversee his siblings. I worked at cutting back after he left for college, not just because I didn’t have his help/presence, but because it had become clear that the evenings out were detrimental to family life and homework oversight.
But you’re a long way from that part of life. And you will figure it out when the time comes.
singing grace at meals brought back a funny family memory. ~23 or 24 years ago the redskins had a great season so we taught our young kids to sing “hail to the redskins.”
we have 3 kids and every night they chose a blessing for us all to sing (johnny appleseed, doxology, God is great, etc). one night that year our middle child chose “hail to the redskins” for the blessing. i told her i’d write some new words so we could do that another night.
this (written before i became sensitive to inclusive language) was then added to our rotation:
hail to the Father.
hail to the Son.
hail to the Spirit.
God is three in one.
don’t know how i might redo that now, but with just 2 of us here now we no longer sing the blessing (except at Christmas when it’s “happy birthday to you” at breakfast and “joy to the world” at the feast.)
btw, it exhausts me just thinking about your schedule!
Well, I’m nobody’s grandparent (knocks on wood) but I read to the end.
When I had little ones I worked half-time at a job that was kind of split shift (noon-7or8 PM) two days a week, and 8-3 (Mom hours) the third day. I relied heavily on child care, pre-schools, and after-school care, as well as a spouse who picked the kids up from such twice a week, every week, for many years.
Having one kid at home, who is sixteen, is way, way, easier! (duh)I’m at church by 9:00 AM Mon-Thurs. I am usually able to pick her up from her four-days-a-week after school committments at 5:00, but that’s because I’m at a small church. Then I either go back to church (for meetings) or do from home whatever phone call/e-mail/writing that needs to be done after that. I usually knock off by 9:00 PM, but I’m not intensely working at full capcacity the whole 12 hours. Saturday is usually a 3-4 hour day, then Sunday is either 3-4 hours or all blasted day, until 8 or 9.
We work too much. All of us.
okay, so i have no real kids, just two very demanding cats (one of whom eats ALL the food I put in the dish as soon as I put it in there, thus leaving no food for the other cat…it’s great and means I have to supervise CAT meal times–how dumb is that?). But in the interest of figuring this out for myself, here’s my basic schedule:
7-wake up to cat grooming me/eating my hair, eat breakfast
7.20-30ish-leave for gym
9ish-home from gym, shower, etc
10-arrive at church
between 8 and 9pm-leave church (whether I’ve left for food or other reasons during the day depends on the day…therapist every other wednesday, occasional food or bank runs, shopping, cat feeding, vet visits, bank, etc….)
if I leave earlier than that (maybe two or three nights a week if I’m lucky), I try to cook at home. I have people over once or twice a month for dinner. fridays are my day off, in theory, and i take the train into the city on those days and hang out with other friends.
greatest food hits at my house? quick nights: quesadillas, burritos, salads, veggie burgers. other nights: black bean chili, Indian, anything with lentils, veggie-filled pasta dishes. best recipe this week? “squashadillas”–baked acorn squash, food processored, on a tortilla with some sauteed spinach and portobella mushrooms, topped with another tortilla, served with a side of refried black beans. yum. (works best if you either have LOADS of free time or if you have leftover baked squash….)
Sundays, well….yeah. y’all said it: marathons of 12 hours. Good times.
I can’t wait to go on con-ed/vacation next week. praise the lord…
This is way too long to post as a comment. If you are really interested, I blogged about it.
Oh, how I wish for a routine such as this! As it is right now, we often forget to brush A’s teeth in the mornings, so the toothbrush in the kitchen may really work! He usually goes down about 9 or 10, but doesn’t wake up until 8:45-9:30, which works when W. is in town and they have guy time in the mornings while I dash off to work at about 9:30. We pick A. up at dayschool at 5-5:30, then eat and play for the evening. I have at least two 9 pm meetings on campus a week, so when W. is out of town I have babysitters. Also, when W. is out of town, A. and I shift his schedule earlier in the morning. Bedtime has become a struggle again (he’s going in waves - easy for two months, hard for two months), but he is content only after reading 2-3 books 2 or more times each! He is in love with repetion, and I love hearing his sleepy voice say, “Read it again, Mommy!”
I’m rejoicing for your wonderful Mamala! Sunday morning is DEFINATELY the most stressful time around here - I’m always snarly getting everyone up and out and ready.
Also, rejoicing that ministry is job that is flexible enough to leave in the middle of.
Also, Cheesehead - we certainly do work too hard! In the rest of the world, 4 10s (not 4 12s plus 2 4s) is a regular work week. Sheesh….
1– Your Mamala TOTALLY. ROCKS.
2– I wonder what was going on in C’s head during that silent prayer?
3– Here it’s just me and my cielo and two spoiled cats…all I know is, I live in perpetual awe of the parents (especially the single ones) at seminary who somehow juggle school, parenting, partnering (some), and (some) even work. Yikes.
I wrote it up in my blog. It was just too long to put here.
This is a great post, but I have to say, I’m exhausted reading it. I love that you all do what you do, and that I can be a part of it.
Our schedules are strikingly similar, what with children roughly the same ages. Mornings are nuts here- they start too early (5:45) and we’re always wondering where all the time went as we are booking it out of the door. The most interesting part of the post to me was the section about what’s missing in the big picture. I think most of us with young uns feel the same sort of absences. Our New Year’s resolution for the last two years has been to have people over more. So come visit. And bring Mamala!
Elizabeth, I’m there!
Juniper, thankfully we have two services and the family attends the late one; still, we have stressful Sundays too. And there’s something about going from PUT. YOUR. COAT. ON!!!! to the peace of Christ be with you… that makes me feel like a tool.
You inspired me! to write up my typical day. You do a lot more than I do! I don’t miss having a little one.
Well, maybe a little.
Thanks MB!
You know, I realized that one of the weird things about blogger meetups is that often we know all these deep internal things about the person, but we don’t know the basics–are they a morning person, do they drink coffee, how long is their commute–that stuff that makes life, life. So I have really enjoyed the little windows into one another’s lives.