- At my ordination almost four years ago (!!!) I served communion for the first time, with ChaplainMom at my side. So I’m very excited to fly to Southern City Where They Love the Governor, Ooh Ooh Ooh, to attend Seminary Girlfriend’s ordination on Sunday and serve communion with her. Way to go E!
- Presbytery Uber-Committee met today. I normally don’t say much but today I was feeling punchy and muttered lame jokes throughout the meeting. (What was that about?) As I was leaving, the moderator of the committee said in the elevator, “Ewan McGregor, huh?” Oh yeah, I forgot he reads this blog. (Hey R.)
- Today in parenting class we talked about the difference between praise and encouragement. I had never noticed until today the “courage” in “encourage” (aha/duh). And of course encouragement is one of the spiritual gifts named by Paul. Indeed, the book drew a distinction between praise, which is a reward, is often product-oriented, and is general, and encouragement, which is a gift, is process-oriented, and specific—gives the person something to build on. Of course praise is not a bad thing, but too much and kids can sometimes become overly motivated by the need for praise. The preschool director used to work in a school that didn’t give grades. Of course not every child would thrive in that environment, but I find that fascinating.We also talked about the “Everyone is special” phenomenon, which can result in self-esteem run amok. I’m not crazy about the “My Child is an Honor Student” bumper stickers, but I also find the “Every Child Is Honored” ones to be a bit smug and preening. Respect the dignity of each child as an individual? Fine, but don’t brag about it—respect and honor should be givens.
As an extreme though, a parent in the church recently told me about her daughter’s elementary-school variety show which had 50 different acts in it. Five-oh. Because they didn’t want to turn anyone away. “Whatever happened to saying, ‘I’m so sorry kid, this isn’t your year?’” she lamented as she steeled herself for a multi-hour marathon of skits and trombone solos. Other parents in the class today talked about everyone-wins-a-trophy sports leagues and pinebox-derby competitions in which the winning designs were clearly done by the parents. WTF?
Meanwhile, today’s college students are more narcissistic and self-centered than their predecessors. REALLY?!?!?
I mean, look, I’m in the God business. And the God I work for loves everyone unconditionally, period. But as Anne Lamott is fond of saying, God also loves us too much to let us stay “that way.” Self-esteem is fine, but self-awareness and self-control are important too.
- Why do my dots so often degenerate into rants?
- And can I find some things to be pleasant about?
- It snowed plump flakes today that pattered on my coat.
- I had a great conversation this afternoon with a woman in the church whom I greatly respect. It is so wonderful to really hear someone and to know that s/he heard me. She is a retired librarian. I love librarians. Every one I’ve ever known has been so feisty, a complete reversal of the stereotype. Kinda like Catholic nuns. Feisty, fun and literate.
- Today was the last day of the divine miss m’s latest round of antibiotics. Please please please let us be done with the ear infections.
6 Responses to “random dots of wednesday”
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Asides
» I have been remiss in posting SBJ’s latest stats: 23 pounds and 27 inches at six months. Yes, I’ve got the big mama biceps.
» Aaaaaand little she-who-is lost another tooth this week!
» SBJ is four months old, 19 pounds 5 ounces, and 26 inches tall. GIGANTOR!
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I hope you’re done with antibiotics, too.
And I love fiesty librarians.
I hate the uber self esteem thing.
RM, I love your site. I love your writing and your random thoughts. But I have to defend the students here. I read Jean Twenge’s Generation Me (the main expert quoted in this article), and I was appalled. The things she said about people born after 1970 made my stomach turn. According to her, we’re all a bunch of narcissists. Greedy, awful, terrible, self-entitled people. Miserable and depressed too.
The basis of her analysis? Dawson’s Creek. American Idol. And–what was that show?–90210? Twenge seems to get a great deal of research from prime time television. Oh yeah, from the Amazon reviews, it looks like she exploited her patients while writing her book too.
The saddest part about it–people are eating this stuff up. Twenge is one of the keynote speakers to the Wesley Foundation’s Campus ministry conference this year! Imagine, someone who has nothing good to say about this generation is speaking to campus ministry leaders. Now how does that help?
Maybe Twenge works with different students. Maybe she has different friends (she was born in 1971), but I just don’t recognize the people that she’s talking about. The students I work with are deeply, intensely interested in making the world a better place. They may be interested in making more money–but it takes more money to buy real estate. Plus, they have 30K in school loans that they have to pay off. As a society, we have heaped more financial burdens on this generation than any other. Frankly, these days, to just pay off loans, buy a house and car, you have to be pretty well off.
Twenge make the argument that we are more miserable and depressed because we have built up our self esteem too high. More self esteem? Maybe. But we just might be miserable and depressed because people keep heaping such criticism on us.
Will be w/you in Spirit in my former home state Ooh Ooh Ohh as you serve at the Table with our classmate/your Seminary Girlfriend as refer to her here. I am delighted by the thought of the connection and celebration. And the uber-self esteem stuff….hooboy. My kids asked if I EVER has a “my child is an honor student” bumper sticker on my car and were relieved when I said no. They were honor students most of the times but not saints! Love the “encourage/courage” ahaduh too. One of the words in the NT sometimes translated as courage or boldness might be better translated as frank, open, confident - think that fits here. Peace, RM and traveling mercies; healing mercies for miss m.
PP, thanks for your thoughts. I too was born after 1970 and I get tired of the pile-on. And admittedly this is the kind of story that media outlets just adore.
I’m much less interested in the book, which sounds a little ridiculous, than the NPI survey of the 16,000 college students which indicates a rise in narcissistic impulses. This is one of those times that I wish I hadn’t dropped Statistical Methods in Sociology in college. I don’t have the tools to evaluate the study. Perhaps their methods are flawed. Or perhaps there has been a rise, which isn’t the same as “an entire generation is self-absorbed.”
Your points about the financial burdens are interesting—yeah, I don’t see the link between desire for financial success and narcissism. The students were asked whether it was important to be “well-off financially.” That’s not narcissistic, is it? It would be narcissistic to say “It’s important for me to be well-off financially, even at the expense of everyone else.”
As for whether the author runs with a different crowd, I’d say that the people we got to know in seminary, and that we know as clergy, are certainly not representative of the population as a whole. For one thing, we’re much nerdier. But secondly, of course our crowd is going to want to make the world a better place! That’s kinda the nature of the job. Not that there aren’t plenty of narcissists in ministry. Good Lord. But we’re certainly not in it for the money. Power, maybe, though even that is changing as the society gets more diverse and secular.
Among my group of friends and people I knew in college, I wouldn’t call it narcissism so much as a live-and-let-live libertarianism combined with a general sense of helplessness. Yes, they recognize that not everyone gets a fair shake in this world, and they do the best they can to help, but the problems feel too big to really do anything meaningful about. We’re also way on the older end of the generation she’s talking about in her book, so who knows.
O Happy Day! RM, please let E know that we are all celebrating the blessings heaped upon our church as she is ordained. I was in her home church briefly during the time when I was walking with my feet 10 feet off of Beale (still singin songs about the southland)… and I know her Mama will be smiling down on her big time.
Well, somebody has to be the voice of the unwashed heathens in these lofty discussions. In that spirit, I was just wondering if you’d seen the bumper stickers that say “My Priest Molested Your Honor Student”?
No?
*grins and runs away fast*