- Friends, I am tired, dog tired by the end of each day. My eyes sting with the desire to be closed in a dark room. If we’re not spending time with the girls, we’re working (cough*andblogging*cough). My TV boyfriend is ready to dump me. And exercise? What’s that?
- I have a meeting or other programmatic responsibility every evening this week, through Saturday, when I’m preaching. I begged off tonight by the skin of my teeth. [cue horror movie voiceover] The program church is sucking my will to live! Is this what it’s all about?
- I’ve either been the recipient of, or cc:ed on, some nasty, passive aggressive e-mails lately. People who would normally be civil and rational in person find it all too easy to blast someone with the computer screen as their shield. I suggested to the staff last week that we need to model assertiveness in this area (not passive, not aggressive). I.e., don’t answer such e-mails, and if there is a conflict, pick up the phone or better, talk in person. I’d actually like to go one better and call the person and say, “Pretend that e-mail didn’t even exist. Start from the beginning.” Then they have to make their case from scratch, which they will probably do without the vitriol because in their hearts, people are either decent, or wusses, or both.
I’m beginning to doubt whether modeling is enough, however. I’m thinking about Cheesehead’s outstanding Conflict Manifesto and wondering whether something similar is in order. (Here’s a radical thought: If you wouldn’t read the message to a person’s face, don’t send it.)
I have become more enamored of the phone in general, as the e-mails get more plentiful and at times too pointed, and at other times utterly pointLESS.
- We went to the new noodle place near our house, the one R and I have been looking forward to, having discovered another one that’s too far away to be practical. He and I had a lovely meal, and we’d ordered mac and cheese for the girls, but they ate absolutely nothing. Nada. Zip.
I take that back; little she drank all her milk and ate two bean sprouts off R’s plate. WTF? But the divine ate nothing. We gave up after some mild cajoling and that was that. Daughters, meet natural consequences. Natural consequences, daughters.
Unfortunately, if M wakes up in the middle of the night it will be a consequence for the parents too. But it’s all fodder for my someday-parenting book, You’ve Got to Lose the Battle(s) to Win the War. My kids will not eat to make me happy or because there are starving kids in [name the place].
- The previously discussed piece in the local paper ran this weekend. The picture was not horrible. PeaceB**** would be proud: I wore a bit of makeup and a tailored suit jacket with fun but understated earrings. The piece was about being a clergy mom and I’ve heard from a couple of other clergy moms in the area as a result. Fun.
- It’s important to me that this site not be googleable if one does a search for my name. That’s the level of anonymity I wish to keep here. If you know me and read this site, you know it’s me. That’s all right with me. I would just rather future employers have a chance to know me before they get to know RM, even though I hope RM is basically me, just with more cussing. So I google from time to time. All is well.
Today’s Google yielded a surprise though: I had had some poems accepted at a non-paying mama zine, but months went by and they never appeared. I finally stopped looking. They’re up now.
I also found some letters I wrote to Salon.com and Mother Jones, a petition I signed in seminary against the war in Iraq, an article or two, and a submission to crummychurchsigns.com.
What do you get when you google yourself?
13 Responses to “tuesday dots”
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Asides
» The latest on SBJ: at one year, he weighs 30.5 pounds (99%), is 32 inches tall (97%) and is 100% cute.
» I have been remiss in posting SBJ’s latest stats: 23 pounds and 27 inches at six months. Yes, I’ve got the big mama biceps.
» Aaaaaand little she-who-is lost another tooth this week!
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I get absolutely zero that is actually me. There is one really cool not me who owns a shoe-shine parlor in San Francisco. Plus a lot of dead not mes on church records. Ho-hum.
Feelin’ yer pain on the meetings every night thing. There is nothing worse. Seriously. Run away, run away!
Besides just myself being crabby and various book and film stuff, I get a NORAD spokesman, a forest ranger, and a suicidal child molester.
> If you wouldn’t read the message to a person’s face, don’t send it.
That’s not a good criterion for me.
About the confiict stuff, I think you are right on about picking up the telephone and calling the offender. It takes some courage, at least it does for me, but in the end it is much much better for my own well being. I aslo tell offenders that passive aggressive emails will not receive an email response. I even devoted a special session meeting years ago to talk about email discourse and to build a covenant together that have renewed annually. It has sent echoes into the congregation and worked wonders.
I get a person who works for Mary Englebright (spelling?) and some other person with my name who doesn’t look like me. And then I find my sermons on a singles newsletter (?!). WTF indeed.
Thinking of Carrie Newcomer’s song with the chorus “Don’t push send…”
Sorry about the nasty emails.
Picture in local newspaper was more than “not horrible”, it was very nice.
Nice article too.
(Here’s a radical thought: If you wouldn’t read the message to a person’s face, don’t send it.) That’s such a good rule of thumb. Bless you for it
My blog isn’t anonymous. In retrospect it should have been I think - but another rule to remember is that what we write on line is visible to anyone who finds it - so would you/ we want a copy of your latest post photocopied and distributed all round the church (or even hung on the noticeboard) … that’s made me think a bit more.
But there’s a need for anonymity and a safe place to vent / share … and I’m struggling to find it right now …
When I Google myself, I get myself in two of my former lives, a baroness in Norfolk, and arts journalist in Glasgow, and a boat. Since I’m about as wide as the boat these days, it’s logical to confuse us with each other.
We had a go-round here at Big Old Seminary - a very …erm…unusual email from someone re the current disagreements in our church. she believed that we are all following bad science and that the “sick” folks can be cured. She did sign it herself. I, being the kind of person I am, responded with an email suggesting that what she opined might be hurtful to some of us, even though I said I was sure it wasn’t what she intended. Twas not a comfortable place to be, not because I didn’t believe what I wrote and signed, but doing it over the net seemed just plain old wrong. I think in the future I’ll follow Cheesehead’s manifesto (very Matthew 18) and insofar as snarky emails are concerned, do a phone call to whoever sent them and say “Hey, what’s up?”
I’ve come to hate email for anything more than transmission of simple factual data and requests. In my past life I told those with whom I worked to avoid the use of adjectives and adverbs in emails…seemed to solve a lot of problems in that context. Of course, the other rule was to not write or send anything that we didn’t want to see above the fold on the first page of Big Political Newspaper.
As for noodles and food and children: when they’re hungry enough, they’ll eat. Eventually, they’ll eat enough healthy stuff so their arms won’t fall off or anything.
Vis-a-vis the haiku - it was lovely, you looked gorgeous, and I smiled broadly. You rule!
Re the meetings: our rector decided that Tuesdays were meeting nights. One half of the various committees and commisssions meet on the first Tuesday of the month, the other half on the second Tuesday, adn the vestry meets on the third Tuesday. Yes, there are some other things on other nights, but the things the clergy absolutely need to be at (other than worship) are limited to Tuesday nights. There was some grousing at first from folks who were on conflicting committees, but it has worked well and kept the clergy almost sane. It is okay to say no sometimes.
I encourage folks to email only with brief information. If there is any emotion attached, we need to find a time to talk! (Of course, this requires that they have the discernment to know when they are emotionally invested…)
Printed off the brief newspaper piece and loved it. Last week my little PK x2 decided to come up front and assist with communion. (We’ve started inviting kids back in for the sacraments because the pastor - that would be me - thought it was important…) He put folded his hands and put his chin on the table and gazed thoughtfully at the congregation. Everyone thought it was “precious” - everyone but his mama!
Kelley is so right - that Carrie Newcomer song is hilarious and SO true. Good luck with the email people.
Holy Crap! My sermons come up which was a bit frightening to say the least and the headlines from when a woman of the same name shot police who were barging into her home.
If you remember her name, then you know mine.
My sister and her fiance are still cracking up over that.
I get zip, or rather the opposite, because I have the most common last name in the country. There are lots of me. No wonder I’m so tired, I’m a very busy woman.
How funny: a pastor’s wife within an extremely conservative branch of my tradition (one that does not ordain women); a crack genealogist; an athletic coordinator; a bereaved pet owner; and sadly, an abusive domestic partner. Plus me me me me me shooting off my mouth in all sorts of fora. The pastor’s wife must be aghast.