This started as a comment to the previous post and got too long.
So much great stuff to respond to.
It’s inevitable that people bring their own stuff to their reading of this situation. Which is probably why there are so many strong opinions about it. What I bring is an experience from several years ago of having R take a simple phone call. “That was K,” he began, and of all the ways he could have finished that statement, “Your father just died” was probably the absolute, positive, 100% last thing I expected him to say.
My experience is, it’s rarely the stuff you worry about. The universe has a way better imagination than you do.
I’m just pessimistic enough to imagine a scenario in which people who would normally support John Edwards just don’t feel right about a grieved widower in the White House. So they vote for someone else, only to have the first lady keel over ten minutes after President Obama takes the oath. (God forbid, and spitting over my shoulder, or whatever it is you’re supposed to do.)
But, R pointed out last night, ever the voice of sanity in my life—Elizabeth Edwards has a diagnosis. Yes, she does. If one had to choose which was more likely, widower President Edwards or widower President Obama, I would be forced to choose the former.
I would be curious to know how they dealt with the death of Wade. I can’t imagine anything worse than losing a child—even and including losing a partner. But could it be that a family who has lived through that and survived—as in, their marriage survived, and from the looks of it, thrived—and who now look death in the face again and do not flinch from it—wouldn’t they be the kind of people that you’d *want* leading the country? Death does not defeat them. And the article makes an interesting point about the place of death in our culture. Death is no trip to DisneyWorld, but watching a loved one die is something that every single one of us has been, is, or will be involved in, if we are awake and engaged with the world. And don’t we *want* leaders who are awake and engaged with the world around them? Is the only difference in how close the death is?
Finally, all of this has me thinking about how our professional lives intersect with our personal lives. “Some people” (whoever they are) don’t understand why Elizabeth Edwards wouldn’t just take whatever time she has left to be with her children—just to be their mother. This is something I think about all the time, even without the specter of death hanging over me. I understand some of what they’re saying—when time is short, you do your best to make the most of it. Non-essentials fall away.
But by living the life she wants to and feels called to live, she *is* being their mother. Isn’t she? Even if it doesn’t look like some Platonic essence of motherhood?
When I go about the details of my life and job, I do so as C & M’s mother. It’s not something I put on and take off. When I greet people on Sunday morning with the divine miss m on my hip, I am her mother as fully as I am when I am rocking her to sleep at night. And I will go one further, though I’m sure some people would disagree with or not “get” this: when I am giving pastoral care or preparing a sermon or writing a newsletter article, I am still mothering my children. Because I am seeking to be the person God has called me to be. And that is a lesson I am determined to teach them by example.
That’s just what I think.
7 Responses to “last thoughts on the edwardses”
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» I have been remiss in posting SBJ’s latest stats: 23 pounds and 27 inches at six months. Yes, I’ve got the big mama biceps.
» Aaaaaand little she-who-is lost another tooth this week!
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“Some people” (whoever they are) don’t understand why Elizabeth Edwards wouldn’t just take whatever time she has left to be with her children—just to be their mother. ”
I found myself wonder why she - and anyone else - wouldn’t just take time off
I think that’s also a valid point.
You see what I find very strange about politics - -not only US presidential elections - it’s as if you vote for Mr and Mrs President - we did it too - only the person elected was Ms. President - and one of the few things I really admire about her was that she refused to get married to her partner before the election- when she was elected she did so, small wedding, very little fuss - but she refused to pretend
Now the hard thing for Mr Edwards would be - knowing that his wife is dying - and chosing to run the campaign trail without her by his side. Waking up alone in different situation after different situation.
I might be wrong in this - but I think that if Mrs E thinks she’s well enough (and is actually doing ok) it is ok for her to be with her husband that’s what she promised to do x years ago.
They do have kids - but it seems that they are taking that into account. It would be worse to fall back into ‘traditional’ roles - where mummy is just at home while daddy does his thing.
That said -maybe a deeper fear is this - what is Mrs E dies … and he’s president. Will you end up with Mrs President that no-one had a chance to ‘look over’ before he was elected.
It could happen for any president of course - but as your loving husband pointed out - she does have a diagnosis, and therefore it’s a more likely senario.
(as I wrote before I don’t know anything about this - US presidential elections are not big news here-or at least not until the final vote.)
RM, I agree with you. Especially the last two paragraphs. And, the way I see it, every single person who is alive has a death sentence hanging over their head. In that sense, we all have a diagnosis. Some of us just don’t know what it is yet.
If this becomes a ’swift boat’ I will be angry.
“But by living the life she wants to and feels called to live, she *is* being their mother?”
Yes she is. And isn’t that the best thing she can do for herself and her family?
Excellent post. And thanks for the article from Salon, too.
Ditto, rm. Thank you.
Who is to say what standard of parenting the E’s should be called to deliver upon. How they choose to act and interact with their children is just that: their choice. Mrs. E is a working mother like so many of us. If she has choosen to stand by her man (hmm sounds familiar) during the campaign, for as long as she can then so what. Isn’t the one thing that we hear, and possibly admire, is the story of the plucky person who left the world with a bang as opposed to a wimper. I think its great she doesn’t want to hide. I think its great that she wants to possibly bring exposure to a devestating disease and treatment. What a wonderful opportunity this could be to open the door to better health care in the US - if that is what she wants to do. If she wants to have a quiet dignity about it, and just be, that is great too. McCains wife is a forner prescription drug abuser, Guillianni’s wife has had medical (possibly mental) health issues in the recent past. Bill Clinton has had open heart surgery. Yes, she has the diagnosis but look at the other diagnosis that are hanging out there - that we know of. The point is we don’t even know who is going to be up on the ticket in November and all this speculation, to me, is just slow news day drival.
All in all, I admire that she wants to continue as they are. Keeping all appearences of normalcy. I also think that her pesonal health is not a public matter and that he reason this came out was beacuse it would have been leaked anyway.
Beth
This is a most excellent post.
Exactly the way I feel about whatever positives we choose to do and be in life; and about Christianity in general.
It isn’t something you “put on and then take off again.” Thank you.
Amen, Amen.
This totally rocks.