So it was 1 year, 11 months ago that I posted the previous pregnancy FAQ. Life is strange.
When are you due?
And right here is reason #1 why I was dreading telling my colleague in ministry:
November 30: another “Get out of Christmas free!” card
(Told her today; she took it fine.)So BB and M will be 23 months apart, and for a few months, we will have three children under the age of five. Then it will be three children five and under, which is SO much easier, right?
How are you feeling?
(An exact quote from the last FAQ) Pretty much like last time. A little tired, a little queasy, a few food aversions, but as long as I follow the Rules of Pregnancy I’m fine. (Eat small frequent meals, get lots of rest, etc.) The tiredness comes on abruptly—you would not believe how abruptly. I go from zero to bitch in 4.2 seconds.
(New paragraph) I didn’t find out until I was about 9 weeks. I’d been tired, but I figured, I’m the working mother of two. No big mystery there. As for queasiness, I experienced some while recovering from oral surgery; again, easily explained. Not a bad way to do the first trimester, actually.
How public is this?
I’m telling the church this weekend, and then it’s totally public.
Will you find out the sex of the baby ahead of time?
Yes. Assuming s/he cooperates. Last time we got lots of boy vibes and were obviously wrong about that. This time it just seems like the pendulum will swing boy. R has said, “I honestly had no preference the last two times, but I’ll admit it. This time I want a boy.” So I want that for him, though three girls feels less overwhelming in some ways. We’re already “set up” for it.
Have you been to the doctor?
Uh, midwife. Yes, and seen the little peanut on ultrasound. I must admit that, after feeling some shock and ambivalence, seeing that little heart beating made me VERY happy.
How’s little C doing with it?
We told her on Sunday, and asked her not to tell anyone at preschool (church). She is VERY good about keeping secrets, especially for someone her age, and has kept the promise (well, she told her daycare provider today, but asked permission first).
She wants to have a brother and thinks we should name him Jason.
And M?
M has been doing her part by sleeping better at night. During the height of the ear infection I would hear her in the middle of the night and think, “Ugh, I can’t be up all night with two! I need my sleep!” </late-night pity party>
What happens after the baby’s born?
The million-dollar question. In a way, this clarifies things in a really good way. I am not putting in for any head of staff positions. It’s something I’d been feeling like I was “supposed” to do, regardless of whether I felt called to it, so it is a tremendous relief to say, “That life is off the table for now.” It’s nice to have fewer options.
That said, lots of other things are on the table. I’m aware that three seems to be the tipping point for two parents working fulltime (if they haven’t stepped off that track already). So do I go to part-time? Does R? Do I take a year or so off, long enough to get C to kindergarten, M out of diapers (in theory) and BB through nursing (another theory)? Would the time off provide space to write? Write what? Does R keep doing what he’s doing? Drop down in hours? Take a job working for someone else? (A near-necessity if I’m not working—our health insurance is through me at present)
Just a few of the things we’re pondering. When we’re not thinking about the incredible mystery child who apparently decided to come into our lives, absolutely on his or her own terms. Can’t wait to meet this one.
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Asides
» I have been remiss in posting SBJ’s latest stats: 23 pounds and 27 inches at six months. Yes, I’ve got the big mama biceps.
» Aaaaaand little she-who-is lost another tooth this week!
» SBJ is four months old, 19 pounds 5 ounces, and 26 inches tall. GIGANTOR!
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You are doing so well. I’ve always felt that people who have three-plus kids are *serious* parents. (As if those us of who putter around with two are posing amateurs. Not.)
The planets are aligning…I’m so looking forward to another grandchild (not to mention my capitol of Texas one). My #1 grandson (only grandson) wants to remain that way, and I think it would be cool to have 5 granddaughters and only one grandson (the special J in FL), but then again, I’m with R…I would so love to see you both with a little boy!
But then, 10 fingers, 10 toes, and the rest a perfect child, so really what does it matter what the sex is?
And I thought C told me she wanted the baby to be named Jesus! She definitely said it was a baby brother. I figured that maybe she has had so much input on baby Jesus that he seems to be the very best boy baby she can think of. I thought is was very logical - kind, loving,your best friend, someone you can trust. Now I guess I misunderstood and she really said Jason. Well, it starts with a J and has five letters! We are thrilled and I keep thinking,”She kept all these things, pondering them in her heart!”
Mine were spread out over nine years and still a challenge of organization and will with a new baby in the house…
I’m sure you will get this figured out. I did find Small Church to be incredibly understanding of anything child-related, but having your own pulpit to tend to means a deadline every week, week in and week out. That has to be a challenge with small children if the spouse is working fulltime during the week.
Ok, I’m slow. I had to read three times before I figured out what you’re saying.
Congrats and our prayers are with you and yours. If parenting has taught nothing, it should have taught “You will never have the answers you want until the time for answers has passed.”
How will it be with three? Dunno. People ask me how I manage twins and I shrug and say, “What else can I do? But the heroine helps.”
Fortunately, everyone so far has understood the drug reference was a joke.
XT
Thanks for an honest appraisal of where you are - in terms of pregnancy but also it’s implications.
3 under 5 (or 5 and under) sounds hard and it’s important that together you work out how and when you return to full time ministry. Without sounding trite (or whatever) you can trust God to help you discern what to do next
delighted for you all
Hmm, where I live people do name their children Jesus.
Three so young does seem daunting, I know (and it’s something we’re considerign as well) but on the other hand, what a wonderful gift…
Congrats and Namaste in one breath! DD1 was 3 just a month before DS and DD2 arrived. Nursing helps quell the tide of almost every emotion and calamity that comes along. But nursing in tandem, I couldn’t get up and go to DD1. So she HAD to come sit by mama if she needed something. Stories are good. The “while mama’s nursing the baby” toy basket can be helpful too…a set of toys your girls can only play with while your feeding the baby. Hugs and congrats again! –Karla
It can be done…MiL (a good pre Vatican II RC) had 3 under 3 and they all turned out happily - and even like each other! HAve to say that my hope of using maternity leave to write withered on the vine…but you are a far more focussed writer than ever I was.
Blessings as you ponder x
ss soon as child # 3 was “in the oven” we realized that we’d spaced them so there would be one year when all 3 were in college at the same time—so we started saving right away for that year. yours will be a bit further apart than ours were (3 kids in 3 1/2 years) so you’ve probably dodged that expensive bullet.
be ready for the hugs on sunday. i’d bet you won’t get any handshakes but all hugs as folks leave worship.
((( )))!
Advantages to 3 close together:
- they like the same books for bedtime stories (once they’re all old enough for bedtime stories)
- they have similar friends, know them well
- same Teacher Appreciation Week
You are a great mom and will handle this all just fine.
Awesome summary… I can’t wait to meet bb (and the rest of ya for that matter) either.
I really appreciate all the support and well wishes.
anne, I think that’s true about college, although more kids are on the five year plan anymore. Yee-ikes. 529 plan, here we come.
Gmommy, you’re right, she did say Jesus that time. Now it’s Jason, which is funny because Jayson is her “nemesis” at daycare.
Karla, wow. Just wow.
Kathryn, yeah, it might be a pipe dream. I think if I had real deadlines and not theoretical ones (which means real writing jobs), I could see it working, albeit not while the baby is little-little. But I’ve been thinking about what would need to be in place for that to happen—childcare for all three of them at least a few mornings a week, etc. Which costs money. Might as well work?
Lots of unknowns. Not my best mode of being. But, all shall be well.
I am so happy for you all, and, I’ll admit, a bit jealous. Our youngest is 2 and 1/2, and I really miss having a baby around. In due time, I hope. I’ll be thinking about you Sunday. My gut says your congregation will receive the news joyfully. There is something really special about a pregnant pastor!
Warning, presbyspeak… check with your BOP person, but I am pretty sure that you can keep your benefits in any ordained, installed position. I am only 20 hours, and the church was required to do full BOP. If you decide to eventually go a similar route, let’s talk, because we did a lot of tax/budget research and were able to come up with what I think is a pretty good package for us from a big picture standpoint.
Ah yes, further benefits to our denomination having the best pension plan. I hope that doesn’t make me less of a Christian
Here’s my dirty little secret of motherhood…………
…………I’m not crazy about the baby phase.
In fact, I could do without it.
If I could arrange it so this child somehow sprang fully formed as a one-year-old–though not out of my body, mind you!–I’d really be up for it. Hey, I’d be willing to slow the subsequent months down just to make up for the lost time, but really, I could seriously go for that. Insta-toddler.
That’s not to say I don’t savor each moment of the infant phase as best I can, and there are aspects of babies that I love, but really, it’s all about the sentience.
I know of a woman who is a pastor and will have 3 children ages 2 and under! Her 3rd is due when the eldest is 34 months.
You could have it tougher.
Congratulations. You’re a couple of weeks ahead of me, so I will be reading eagerly. Haven’t told my church yet either and we have been arguing (er, discussing) the proper timing at my house. Thanks for being a voice for my preferred 12-week timeframe!
That’s awesome, esperanza! It will be fun to go through this “together.”
Congratulations rm!!! How exciting!!
FWIW, I found that dropping back to part time for a while did not present an insurmountable barrier when I was ready to “get back in the game” later on. Keep up your contacts. Keep your name on people’s radar and pray a lot. It can work.
Just saw this…wonderful news. Surprising, but lovely. ;^) Take care of yourself.
Hi There ~ I have been playing catch-up on reading in the blogsphere.
Firstly, good wishes are in order for your new baby on the way!!
Secondly, I feel your experiment articles can benefit all–sometimes the internet/weblogging becomes more of a chore than enjoyment. It is at those times, I think each of us needs to evaluate/prioritize the use of our time. Our time is precious indeed. I take breaks from the internet/blogsphere every now and then, and it is not difficult for me to find many other things in my life that needed attention.
Having said that, I do so enjoy reading your site. Though I was raised in a methodist church from childhood, and my faithwalk now is more akin to the episcopalians, I am drawn to theology period. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself and your faith. This in itself is a ministry for whomever happens by…