Comments on: 2 down, 1 to go? and interruptions http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions Sun, 20 Jul 2008 16:47:25 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.1 By: mid-life rookie http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-99576 mid-life rookie Wed, 23 Apr 2008 02:27:49 +0000 http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-99576 Paraphrase of wise words written by will smama - It's easy to say no to stuff that is a bad idea. It's much harder to say no to a good thing that may not be the right thing right now. I absolutely agree, often the interruption is not nearly as important as what is being interrupted. When I was in school, I had three notes for the door of my home office. They read 1. Welcome (on green) 2. Is it important? (on yellow) 3. Are you dying? (on pink because I didn't have red.) The idea was I would rate the urgency/importance of what I was doing and put the appropriate sign on the door. Then my family was expected to rate the urgency/importance of their interruption. We didn't really use the system that much, but I think those two questions are good ones to ask ourselves in these situations. Let me know if you all figure out how to walk this tightrope of self care and pastoral care. Paraphrase of wise words written by will smama - It’s easy to say no to stuff that is a bad idea. It’s much harder to say no to a good thing that may not be the right thing right now.

I absolutely agree, often the interruption is not nearly as important as what is being interrupted. When I was in school, I had three notes for the door of my home office. They read
1. Welcome (on green)
2. Is it important? (on yellow)
3. Are you dying? (on pink because I didn’t have red.)
The idea was I would rate the urgency/importance of what I was doing and put the appropriate sign on the door. Then my family was expected to rate the urgency/importance of their interruption. We didn’t really use the system that much, but I think those two questions are good ones to ask ourselves in these situations.

Let me know if you all figure out how to walk this tightrope of self care and pastoral care.

]]> By: Alwen http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-96375 Alwen Sun, 20 Apr 2008 03:12:21 +0000 http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-96375 I found your blog through Towanda and am enjoying it! I can definitely sympathize. If I don't jealousy guard my space and my time with my family I eventually get so off-balance I really can't minister. I wonder how often pastors end up really enabling congregants by responding immediately and all the time? I also wonder if women are often more expected to be willing to immediately drop everything and be the nurturing all-present one. I've noticed in my own life and in internships that often male pastors are allowed a bit more latitude in saying no than women are. I tend too far in the "give me my space" direction and often need to remind myself to be more open to the moment, but I do think pastors do everyone a disservice when they don't take time for themselves and their families. It's a really unhealthy life and spirituality to model. I found your blog through Towanda and am enjoying it! I can definitely sympathize. If I don’t jealousy guard my space and my time with my family I eventually get so off-balance I really can’t minister. I wonder how often pastors end up really enabling congregants by responding immediately and all the time? I also wonder if women are often more expected to be willing to immediately drop everything and be the nurturing all-present one. I’ve noticed in my own life and in internships that often male pastors are allowed a bit more latitude in saying no than women are. I tend too far in the “give me my space” direction and often need to remind myself to be more open to the moment, but I do think pastors do everyone a disservice when they don’t take time for themselves and their families. It’s a really unhealthy life and spirituality to model.

]]> By: ms. reverend or not http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-95525 ms. reverend or not Sat, 19 Apr 2008 11:48:25 +0000 http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-95525 q: is being a "much beloved pastor" and being a "good" pastor the same thing? q: is being a “much beloved pastor” and being a “good” pastor the same thing?

]]> By: Rev Dr Mom http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93905 Rev Dr Mom Fri, 18 Apr 2008 02:41:25 +0000 http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93905 I am technically speaking of an older generation than you, but I screen my calls all the time at home. I am also an extreme introvert, fwiw. I am technically speaking of an older generation than you, but I screen my calls all the time at home. I am also an extreme introvert, fwiw.

]]> By: pinkhammer http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93253 pinkhammer Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:34:02 +0000 http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93253 While I am not a pastor and do not understand the tyranny of the urgent in that sense, I spent 4 years in the Navy and nearly lost myself. It was serious. I spent a year in counseling as a result. And I learned that while many folks portray Jesus as a "no-boundary" kinda of guy, that is the farthest thing from the truth. In fact it's crazy! He told people no all the time! Even to (especially to?) his family and the disciples. He left gatherings without telling anyone, he withdrew on His own and had people looking for him, etc. The more I studied it and thought about it, the more I realized I had permission to say no. While I am NOT insinuating anyone here is guilty of this, one way our culture (read: church culture) propogates the mentality of overfunctioning is by not respecting someone's "no." The minitry leader/deacon/elder/pastor who doesn't respect someone's "no" put's spiritual pressure on someone to say yes. "But the children really need you...how will they grow up to know Jesus???" Sheesh...they can lay it on thick! I have probably written too much as it is for this comment so I will end to say that if you don't respect someone's "no," their "yes" is worthless. While I am not a pastor and do not understand the tyranny of the urgent in that sense, I spent 4 years in the Navy and nearly lost myself. It was serious. I spent a year in counseling as a result. And I learned that while many folks portray Jesus as a “no-boundary” kinda of guy, that is the farthest thing from the truth. In fact it’s crazy! He told people no all the time! Even to (especially to?) his family and the disciples. He left gatherings without telling anyone, he withdrew on His own and had people looking for him, etc. The more I studied it and thought about it, the more I realized I had permission to say no.

While I am NOT insinuating anyone here is guilty of this, one way our culture (read: church culture) propogates the mentality of overfunctioning is by not respecting someone’s “no.” The minitry leader/deacon/elder/pastor who doesn’t respect someone’s “no” put’s spiritual pressure on someone to say yes. “But the children really need you…how will they grow up to know Jesus???” Sheesh…they can lay it on thick!

I have probably written too much as it is for this comment so I will end to say that if you don’t respect someone’s “no,” their “yes” is worthless.

]]> By: cheesehead http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93227 cheesehead Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:04:14 +0000 http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93227 This is timely for me. I just got an urgent request (read: demanding, snarky email) from a parishioner to join the local "business persons'/community leaders'" Friday 8:00 am coffee klatch. Friday. My one day off. My inner voice keeps asking "How much leadership does a village of 2,000 souls need?" There are about 20 people on the email list for this group. I'm sorry, but the logic "The Lutheran pastor shows up to every one" is not a good enough reason to drag my butt out of bed at 6:30 on my only day off. I will give up my day for a death or an urgent spiritual need, or even (God help me) a wedding rehearsal, but not this. No less than three elders from our church sit in on this group. I think we are pretty well represented. But enough about me; sorry for the crud. This is timely for me. I just got an urgent request (read: demanding, snarky email) from a parishioner to join the local “business persons’/community leaders’” Friday 8:00 am coffee klatch. Friday. My one day off.

My inner voice keeps asking “How much leadership does a village of 2,000 souls need?” There are about 20 people on the email list for this group.

I’m sorry, but the logic “The Lutheran pastor shows up to every one” is not a good enough reason to drag my butt out of bed at 6:30 on my only day off. I will give up my day for a death or an urgent spiritual need, or even (God help me) a wedding rehearsal, but not this.

No less than three elders from our church sit in on this group. I think we are pretty well represented.

But enough about me; sorry for the crud.

]]> By: reverendmother http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93092 reverendmother Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:37:34 +0000 http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93092 I agree, although it's not just ministers of the past... I still know one who will drop everything---day off or not, etc. ...and is much beloved. I agree, although it’s not just ministers of the past… I still know one who will drop everything—day off or not, etc. …and is much beloved.

]]> By: Sue http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93069 Sue Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:20:42 +0000 http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93069 I'm laughing at Keith - you're spot on about the bat signal... So sorry to hear about the crud - hope it's all settled by the weekend. As for the introvert/extrovert piece - I'm almost entirely introvert, so I value the "me" time whenever I can find it (considerable time at the moment). I have learned that I have to let go of the commentary on the "saintly" ministers of the past who dropped everything for anything needed by a parishioner. Old Rev. Busierthanhell who worked 80 hours a week might be seen as a hero to his former congregations, but I'm guessing his family doesn't feel the same. Where was the balance back in the day??? I say, go with the caller ID. I love what you said about overworked/overworking pastors. So correct. I’m laughing at Keith - you’re spot on about the bat signal…

So sorry to hear about the crud - hope it’s all settled by the weekend.

As for the introvert/extrovert piece - I’m almost entirely introvert, so I value the “me” time whenever I can find it (considerable time at the moment). I have learned that I have to let go of the commentary on the “saintly” ministers of the past who dropped everything for anything needed by a parishioner. Old Rev. Busierthanhell who worked 80 hours a week might be seen as a hero to his former congregations, but I’m guessing his family doesn’t feel the same. Where was the balance back in the day???

I say, go with the caller ID.

I love what you said about overworked/overworking pastors. So correct.

]]> By: Keith http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93029 Keith Thu, 17 Apr 2008 12:30:29 +0000 http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93029 If they can't reach you through 9-1-1, a dedicated red telephone, or a bat signal, it can wait. If they can’t reach you through 9-1-1, a dedicated red telephone, or a bat signal, it can wait.

]]> By: reverendmother http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93011 reverendmother Thu, 17 Apr 2008 12:17:09 +0000 http://reverendmother.org/2008-04-16/2-down-1-to-go-and-interruptions#comment-93011 As the man with whom I am now job-sharing puts it, there are no overworked pastors, just overworking ones. We do it to ourselves. As the man with whom I am now job-sharing puts it, there are no overworked pastors, just overworking ones. We do it to ourselves.

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