I was curled up by the Christmas tree with Oprah’s magazine
When there among her Favorite Stuff was a thing I’d never seen.
A pair of gloves for iPhone users—featuring a dot
Of rubber on the index finger… I cried, “They must be bought!”
But in my haste I threw that ‘zine on the recycle pile
And when I went to find those gloves, it took me quite a while.
I never did locate the things, despite some time with Google,
I searched and searched, and then gave up on that whole sad bon-doogle.
Until last night, when running errands, driving in the cold
I slipped my gloves on and discovered a gigantic hole.
I stared down at my pasty thumb, its wiggliness poked through,
And thought, “Aha! I’ve finally got my iPhone gloves! Woo-hoo!”
——
And of course I found them while looking for a photo for this post. How very Zen.
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
I tried using my nose like you suggested but it was a miserable failure.
Cycling gloves for me.
Gotta love the 21st Century. In what other time would they sell something that’s so easily recreated with a couple careful scissor cuts? You’ll have to excuse me while I go finish up my battery operated battery changer device.
Ha, Matthew! Only a native of Austin, Texas would submit that gloves with holes in them are somehow an acceptable hand-warming device.
Seriously… I’ve never understood fingerless gloves. Hmm, let’s take the very *tip* of the extremity, and expose *it* to the elements.
Now palmless gloves I could understand. That would basically be a set of finger puppets.
I use fingerless gloves in the summer on my bike because they protect most of my hand if I crash while not getting warm.
In the winter I use them behind Moose Mitts (a.k.a. “pogies”) because they allow me to keep a good feeling for the brake and shift controls, which thick, warm gloves don’t.
Pistols have even smaller controls than bicycles, so my assumption is that non-cyclists who wear them in the winter are hit men.