Today’s my birthday.
R is at work, M’s got a slight fever, and J is fussy with the teething and the Always Wanting To Be Pressing Buttons. No longer content with the once-forbidden remote control, he wants my laptop. After updating my facebook status, he managed to type an omega, an infinity symbol and a square root. Then he adjusted the volume and shut the computer down. Good times.
At this point I’m just doing well to keep drool off the keyboard. He is now napping, no doubt rejuvenating himself for the midday shift.
Last night’s choco-sabbath (see previous post) went fairly well. The day was fraught with temptations, what with
1. a trip to Starbucks, with its case full of pastries leering at me
2. the remnant of holiday goodies lurking about
3. the smell of a birthday pound cake, baking during dinner clean-up, my prime habitual snacking time
The treat was further delayed by J refusing to go to sleep, necessitating Motrin and excessive rocking.
I think this 10 minutes of reflection and eating will be interesting. I had a not-great mommy moment yesterday with the girls and ended up thinking about that while eating two pieces of chocolate that R had brought home from the office break room last week. So rather than enjoying this nice sabbath moment I felt like a big mean ogre in a fairy tale, terrorizing the lovely young princesses, then retreating to her lair for sweets.
I also felt old. 37 rounds up.
But it’s probably good to sit with the sad feelings for a little while. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have realized what they were really about—or at least tied up with: recently watching my wedding video for the first time in a decade (it’s finally been put on DVD) and seeing Dad again. And feeling sad about the church member dying New Year’s Eve, and not having gone to see her.
Then I decided to try and forgive myself, having apologized and been forgiven by my children hours before, and resolved that today would be better. And tonight I get to celebrate with family and with friends I’ve known for more than half my life.
10 Responses to “birthday, choco-sabbath and whatnot”
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Asides
» There are no unsacred places; there are only sacred places and desecrated places. -Wendell Berry
» “The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope.” -Barbara Kingsolver
» It’s National Procrastination Week (who comes up with these things?), and in honor of people like me who like to celebrate NPW all year long, here’s a good article.
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Happy birthday RM. And I am very glad you extended grace to yourself. Today is better. It is your birthday. Have fun tonight!
Darn. This is not the happy, happy post I was hoping to read on your birthday, but then, I love your honesty. I cover up sadness, guilt and pain and I’m glad that trait didn’t get passed down to you.
All I can say is that 37 years ago today was one of the happiest days of your dad’s and my life!
Well, I did have a rude awakening when watching that video, I started crying and M in particular looked completely mystified, like adults cry too?!?
The girls were both very sweet, climbing into my lap and hugging me. Kids know just what to do.
I thought, wow, have they really never seen an adult cry before?
And we’ve all been pretty subdued this week. I don’t know if that incident has anything to do with it. C and I had a day together on Tuesday; we went to see Bolt which scared her and has preoccupied her since then. I researched the movie before we went, but…
It’ll be years before she can watch Star Wars or read Harry Potter I guess. She takes things very seriously.
a million years ago i was taking care of a neighbor’s daughter. she did something that i needed to correct her for and immediately after i told her “no” she came over to me for a hug. in her household corrections were always followed by hugs. this young lady must be ~28 now and this must have happened when she was ~3. must have made an impression!
one of the things our kids learn when we show them our less-than-perfect selves is forgiveness. not a bad thing to learn, is it?
my own mom spoke about her mom as if she were perfect. two of my sisters now do the same about our mom. i think it’s soooo much better to go ahead and be imperfect from time to time so nobody has to try to be perfect to follow in your footsteps.
and on another topic—at our new years eve gathering—an intimate gathering of 10 folks who celebrate together yearly (for the last 3 years and we already have made plans for next year’s celebration) i shared about your 10.30 idea as we talked about resolutions. i’ve decided to do 3 different 10.30’s this month. one is to spend 10 minutes every day in my office trying to make it into a place where i want to go to work instead of a place where i dread to work because it has such imposing piles of stuff to be dealt with. . . someday.
happy birthday. and when you’re my age (60) you’ll realize that you were sooo young when you were 37. i’m trying to keep in mind that when i’m 80 i’ll realize i was soooo young when i was 60. it’s all a matter of perspective, i guess.
Happy Birthday, RM!
I enjoy your ‘realness’.
(I’m rounding 37 up to 38 next week, which means I’m officially pushin’.)
I’m already rounding up, but to the next decade and I can’t wait to get there.
Happy Birthday, congratulations and being courageous enough to apologize to a child.
Rounding up the decades to me seems harder, but B did it yesterday without any trouble. I rather dread having to do it in a few months.
Happy Birthday
Hey, it’s only 25 in hex.
My son shares a birthday with you - he just turned 25 today. No matter what the number is attached to the birthday, I suspect there’s a sneaky little reminder of mortality in the fact that the number only has additive properties. You’re tired, the kids are a lovable handful, life is way too full of, well, stuff. Tonight will be a good night, and tomorrow will be another day. Blessings.
I think the end of the year with the darkness outside and all the extra food, drink and unreal expectations makes it an extremely hard time of year for almost everyone. There are so many reasons why Christmas has gotten out of hand and that people feel it is a time to indulge in almost anything. For me it is has been sleep, not chocolate. I think that I could be like a bear and go into hibernation during the dark months with the extra weight I have put on because I keep procrastinating with the exercise because it is cold and inconvenient in the midst of everything else. But when you add a birthday to the mix, which as you age, becomes more and more like a New Year’s type of event when you reflect on where you are, where you have been and what the future “should” be or what you “wish” it would be, you really have it all at once. With all the birthdays you have within just a little over a month, you must exhausted from all the celebrations, each of which has to be special. Maybe you can find some time to rest in the next week as you reflect on the many things that you are have produced in your short life so far: incredible human beings for the next generation, new thoughts that you have generated in others, the gift of friendship for so many, creation of special moments in others’ lives, joy for your family, and creativity that impacts the world.