Last night I asked a question on Facebook that I’ve been pondering since preacher camp, but Facebook doesn’t lend itself to discussion so I am re-asking it here:
I’m still formulating the wording, but it has to do with potential. Does a person have some kind of social obligation to work to his or her fullest potential… specifically, to take a job that maximizes that potential? Do you/we look askance at someone who appears to us to be extremely gifted but who is voluntarily underemployed? And should we look at that person that way? Is there some kind of social contract at work here, that ideally we should all work as hard as we can (at whatever it is that we do)… that there is some benefit to society when we do this?
This question might make more sense if we just limit it to the church. We have this theology of using one’s gifts for the good of others and the glory of God… “to whom much is given, much is expected.” (Wait, is that from our theology or from Spider Man?)
Some people on Facebook recoiled at the whole idea of potential because that can be externally driven and lead to finger-wagging: “So-and-so’s not living up to her potential.” But let’s assume for the sake of argument that that external view of potential matches up with a person’s internal sense. This isn’t a case of someone lacking confidence or awareness of one’s gifts. This is about someone voluntarily choosing *not* to rise to the top. And by rising to the top, I mean rising to the greatest challenge to which they are capable; I’m not necessarily talking about status or size of steeple…
Of course this question is about me. I feel certain, and have had this affirmed, that I have the gifts to be a head of staff of a pretty good sized church. Yet I do not feel called to this position at this point. I freely admit that that could change, but it hasn’t yet and it’s been several years. Frankly, right now I don’t want such a large sized “buck” stopping with me. And to be completely honest… I don’t want to work that hard or that much.
Yet we believe that call is not just about what we “want.” It’s kinda like on the West Wing, when the President would call on someone to serve. You just don’t say no unless you have a damn good reason. Now imagine God as Jeb Bartlett and you might see what I mean. Those folk in the Bible tried to say no to God, but to some extent what a person wants or feels comfortable with is pretty damn irrelevant.
I wrote in my sabbatical grant application that Dad’s death and C’s birth, both of which took place almost simultaneously with my entry into ministry, continue to frame how I do ministry. Part of that is seeing how hard Dad worked, to the detriment of his health I believe, and not wanting that to happen to me. I was telling R this last night and repeated that old cliche that people don’t reach the end of their life wishing they had spent more time at the office. But ministry is not just any office job, and as R put it, “But I think there are women who do regret slowing their career down for the sake of family.”
What say the internets?
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» A note to readers who are looking at the new blog: you’ll notice some “greatest hits” from reverendmother there, especially as I ramp up my writing in that space. Sorry for the déjà vu!
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Potential, as I understand it is that bundle of sticks that, in part, determines what/who we can become if we figure out how to lay out those sticks from now until death in the right order and at the right time.
If you have all the sticks to “make it” to somewhere, are you obligated to set on on that track with your sticks? Not necessarily, IMHO.
I think our bundle of sticks is just that for a reason–we decide, and ideally in a relationship setting we decide WITH those we love, how those sticks will be laid out and when. The same sticks could lead you to the United States Supreme Court or to a free legal clinic in Compton. The same sticks could lead one to international fame as the first mainline TV preacher with breasts or it could lead to a lifelong position as an associate pastor in a medium sized town in central Texas.
The sticks will, of necessity, come into conflict with at least four variables: opportunity, calling, ethics and priorities. These are the tools that help us decide which sticks to lay down and when, which to choose from if in a given moment we have a choice, and which ones to throw away.
So, for me at least, particularly as a person who laid down sticks for over a decade that he ultimately decided to leave behind–probably for good–I can only say that, in my reading of potential and giftedness, it is not a question of must or ought to, it is a question of how and why a particular decision gets made–what role the sticks, the opportunity, the calling, the ethics and the priorities play in a given decision.
The great sin, if there is one, in this scenario is not deciding–not what the ultimate decision will be. Not deciding is ignoring all five factors and just going with the flow…which generally leaves one at sea, sans paddle, boat and life-preserver.
Just my $.02.
Hugs
NSCR
Thoughtful response.
I should hasten to add two things:
1. Solo pastors work really hard too. I realized that my comment about “not wanting to work that hard” could be misunderstood as being a solo v. head of staff thing, when in fact it’s a full time v. part time thing.
2. That I might have gifts as a HoS doesn’t mean that such positions are mine for the asking. I have a friend my age, who’s got four years of ministry on me, including several as a head of staff of a smallish church. She’s been a runner up *four times* in the last year for HoS positions at larger churches. Incidentally, I don’t know that sexism was the sole or even the main factor, but she’s been passed over for an older woman, an older man, and a younger man. (not sure about the fourth)
I like what NotShy says about potential and priorities. I’ve had these thoughts myself, off and on for several years. Ok, like ten years. i don’t know that I am gifted in the same way you are for a Head of Staff position, but I definitely am not feeling called there. I’ve loved part-time and feel like I’m working the amount I want.
Do I feel like I’m “throwing away” or “wasting” gifts? Is that what you’re getting at? I’m not sure those are verbs that can be used with gifts. Though someone told me just yesterday that if I don’t find a pulpit somewhere soon that would be a “waste.” Like if we don’t use gifts they will wither away…or someone will be deprived…I guess I just don’t think of myself as that important, or that powerful to derail God’s purposes.
Good ponderings. Thanks for moving the discussion over here. It’s hard to write in paragraphs on fb!
I have a slightly different answer here than I had on Facebook.
On Facebook, I said, and I still believe, that if everyone lived up to their own potential, the world would be a better place. Forcing people to live up to other people’s potential is wrong.
But I sense a false dichotomy in your question:
“Do you/we look askance at someone who appears to us to be extremely gifted but who is voluntarily underemployed?”
Is employment (or underemployment) the best way to measure how someone is using their gifts?
So, looking at it in terms of your call, consider this–why do you feel “underemployed” at this point in your life? You may not be paid to be a mother, but you are certainly called to do this job the best you can. And to be able to be present for your children while also serving a congregation is quite a blessing for all involved, I would imagine.
I know you are also using your gifts in your publishing call (because I enjoy reading your submissions in various commentaries).
I’m sure you do have HoS gifts and would have a good challenge in a new and different pastoral call.
But I don’t think that call is only about the best of your potential. Nor is it about the greatest challenge to which you are capable, or about full employment.
I’m not sure I would have been hired for a HoS position in a bigger Metro area, but my family made the decision to look at smaller churches in a smaller metro area for “quality of life” reasons for the family.
Is my potential great enough that I could have thrown my hat in the ring for a bigger job somewhere? Maybe. Probably so. Do I think that is where I’m being called right now with my current family situation? No. If someone else can be “more employed” than I am and manage to get their kids to soccer practice and still be sane, then my hat is off to them and I wish them the best.
My kids are 10 and 13 and this is the first time I’ve been employed “full time” (meaning paid to work 40 hours) since they were born. Could I have been working more when they were younger? Sure. Do I look back on it now and wish I had been? No.
Blessings with the questions.
Is it possible to live up to one’s potential? I have the potential to become a nuclear physicist (even have a few physics credits on my transcripts to prove it). I have no interest in doing it, though.
As I was trying to make the point, clumsily, at my own site, knowing that you are called to do something is not the same as knowing that you are called to do it right now. Sometimes you are called to be in preparation for something else entirely.
Oh RM - you do put the big questions out there, don’t you? NotShy and Marci say good things - not sure I have any more to add - NS’s comment sums both of their postings up for me: “The great sin, if there is one, in this scenario is not deciding–not what the ultimate decision will be. Not deciding is ignoring all five factors and just going with the flow…which generally leaves one at sea, sans paddle, boat and life-preserver.” Marci’s comment about potential - one’s own and the estimations of others - is also spot on.
As lifelong learners, we go about formal/informal/nonformal learning - and many of us engage in praxis along the way that helps us decide about those sticks and call and opportunities and needs. You are a lifelong learner par excellence! You seem to be actively discerning - kind of a state of metacognition - a good bit of the time - aware of where you are, where you have been, how/where you are called (by where, that could be interpreted as what you are called to do as well). Keep at it. All I know is, I’ve been making these decisions/choices/discernments for a good 33 years now, post-college. I hope to be doing so for a good many more.
How are we to know what job would maximize our potential?
I have/had the potential to be a gifted diagnostician, an infectious disease whiz who could/can teach other budding physicians thereby passing that gift.
But that is not the path I took in my career. I am a 3/4 time general pediatrician in a suburban area, serving the lower middle class and many working poor.
I don’t see the variety of diseases or have the constant diagnostic challenges that an academic or big city practice would have offered. I don’t teach medical students on a daily basis.
BUT, I have taught 3 nurse practitioners, several medical students and literally thousands of parents and children. I know that I am the reason at least 3 children did not die from some rather strange diseases. I will never know how many lives I have helped save by preaching the gospel of bike helmets.
And, ever since August 29, 2005, I have served an area that is under served medically and is recovering from a disaster.
There are people in my medical school class who look down on the outcome of my career. There are times that I wish it was more……
But, the children living in my house and the children I see every day never think that.
Potential does not have one path.
I defnitely agree that potential can’t be equated with paid work - even paid ministry… and I also like what Marci said about the world being a better place if everyone lived up to their potential.
If the conversation is framed in terms of using gifts, I think there is never a perfect fit, especially in the employment world. Every job has ways it can help us grow and develop skills and use our gifts, and tasks that are just a poor fit for what we *could* be doing with our talents. So, maybe the challenge in “living up to our potential” is to strive for a balanced life - one where our gifts are put to work in useful ways, and we get to learn new things that either deepen our strengths or encourage some gift we didn’t know we had? Finding a way to combine roles - like, say, part-time ministry and motherhood - seems like the best way to live up our potential, if we’re mindful enough to notice the ways we grow.
I haven’t read all the comments etc thoroughly. But just reflecting on my own situation — let’s say I “get” a bigger church. let’s say I “get” published. let’s say one or both of my kids becomes “important” and does something awesome. Which of these paths lived up to my potential? Or, what if none of the above happens and I’m just another woman trying to be faithful?